The River

My feet are wet. That’s understandable, especially because I am standing at the start of a river. My legs are wet too, but that’s because I have moved deeper into the water. It flows smoothly, softly, like velvet silk. It feels odd against my rough and hardened hands. Too out of place in my harsh world. While I stand in the running river, I sometimes fear for it, hoping that I’ll not corrupt it with my dirt and tears and blood. But it just washes my body, cleaning it when it has only deserved tainting. The water runs clear after a while and I sigh in relief, thanking whoever will listen, because at least the river is one thing I can’t ruin. It will only just revive itself repeatedly. But sometimes, I envy the river. Envy the way it can rid itself of all the harmful things it does not want. Envy the way that, even when the sinning people taints it allows in, it still runs clean and pure. I wish was like that, getting rid of all the hurt and pain in myself, and be clean like the river. Pure like the river. But I can’t, and so my hate for the lovely and kind water embankment grows. The water isn’t blue, or green, but a clear grey. It could be because the clouds cover the warmth of the sun today, but it’s usually always grey when I come down here. It‘s reflecting my mood. It’s just never seeing the sun here, or the sky. But whatever the reason, I can never quite seem to figure out why I come here. It’s not special of place. Nowhere is really. At least that is one thing I figured out. My clothes are soaked now, and the water hits my hips. It sends a small flurry of chills up my back, and my arms tighten around my torso. My hands dig into my sides and I wince as I bite my lip. I don’t know why I am moving deeper. But my feet continue to drag me in further. I want to wipe the blood off my body, but I could have easily done that in a bathtub. I to hide the tears that run down my face, but couldn’t have done that my hands? The wind picks up a little, whipping my hair around more forcefully than before. It gets stuck in my face and mouth, and although I don’t want to, I unwrap my arms to remove it. My chest constricts and my heart starts to beat intermittently. I breathe in quick breaths, my hands whipping back around myself, so I do not have to feel my heart pounding against my ribcage. But I’m thrown off balance by my sudden movement, and my body falls backwards. I crash into the water, and it sweeps me off my feet. Its then that I realised have gone out too far. I can’t find the bottom of the river, and my body spins and twirls under the surface. I thrust my arms upwards and break the water, spluttering madly. Trying to suck in air, water only enters my mouth as the river suddenly becomes more powerful in its waves. I choke and spit, sinking back under the surface as the currents tug me down towards the bottom. I struggle to reach back up to the top, as the current also drags me down the river, bumping into sharp rocks and
boulders. My legs hit one hard and a burst of bubbles leave me as I gurgle out in
pain…..